Dan Is Ruthless

It occurred to me over last weekend that Dan, over the years, has evolved into one ruthless son of a bitch.

Last weekend we went to Maccarones house for some good old fashioned partying. Ben came over my house and picked me and Van Goor up (seen in this accurate photo: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/nwfndh8red/JUSTINALIEN.jpg) up and brought us on down to get all kinds of drunk. We arrived and commenced said drinking.

Shortly after we became hungry and decided to order some Dominos Pizza. We began to call not-it until Dan offered to make the phone call. "Oh no, Dan", we said. Then we forgot because the table was brown. Dan then made the phone call and proceeded to invent himself a new stupid accent. It sounds like if Sean Connery had Downs Syndrome and was making the call from the bototm of the ocean. Dan made sure to be obnoxious to everyone and call them "pal" and "buddy". Ultimately he accomplished nothing but getting our pizza spat on. Anyway, that entire story was irrelevant and pointless.

A hilariously insensitive thought occurs: Once Dan and I made Billy Martin drink paint by telling him it was a "luck potion". And then again by telling him it was a "love potion", and that it would make him irresistable to the ladies. Oddly enough, the day after he drank the luck potion his mom was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. We told him it was because we got the mixture all wrong, there was far too much blue in it. We then did what any honest caring friend might do, we corrected the concoction and pressured him to drink it. However, Billy was catching on. Oh Billy, what's the worst that could happen? "I don't want it", Bill exclaimed! Then for whatever strange reason Dan began to yell and scream. "Billy, BILLY! Time's running out! Billy you've only got 3 seconds to drink it!". Billy got scared that he might run out of time and drank the pain....luck potion because clearly, anything you'd yell that loudly about MUST be important.

Back to the only thing I meant to write this dumb article about. After our (spat on) pizza arrived and we finished it all, we began searching for something else to do. Ben and myself had just met a lovely little girl in our Spanish class the week before. Why not, let's give her a call! For whatever reason, she decided going out alone with 5 or 6 drunk boys that she didn't know would be an acceptable, and even pleasurable idea. We left Maccarones house and picked her up. I didn't let her have shotgun because I thought it would be for the best if I got exactly what I wanted. So that worked out, we drove back to Maccarones where Dan and Maccarone were still residing. When we walked in with Ally (our courageous friend) Dan was none the wiser. He came walking out of the bathroom with his pants down. He proceeded into the kitchen where we were all socializing and a record screeched with no plausible explanation. He stood there and we stared. He stood, we stared. "Dan, we can see your balls bro". Did Dan care? I think not. "No Dan like, dude, your balls are just like, right there dude." Dan felt no need to tuck his balls away at all. "They're my balls", he thought. "And I like them where they are". Does Dan apologize for the incident? I don't fuckin' think so. He worsens the situation by saying "wow..(sways back and forth) if I could see straight I might recognize you". Bad Dan, BAD.

Maccarone tried to touch him and Dan thoughtlessly flung him over his back onto the deck outside.

Does Dan give a fuck? You be the judge.