King Richid's Faire

...was probably about the strangest shit I've ever seen in my life. Unfortunately we missed the Cleavage Contest. They had really overpriced everything and half the costumes had nothing to do with the Renaissance whatsoever. They had pirates and dumb shit like this:


Yeah that's me. 10 dollars to anyone who can come up with some poorly thrown together excuse for why that hideous monster of penis-lookalike-fashion was at a Renaissance Faire. But thats not all. The following getup was also from a different (and exaggerated) timeframe/planet. Justin made history doing his first thing that people didn't find stupid by posing for this picture here:


Yeah I know I thought we were at a GWAR concert too at first. They tried to make it a family event by adding rides and silly attractions. There was this one thing that was basically a wooden swan swing, okay sounds nice. However they decided to place an insane axe-wielding berserker viking aboard the ship to make the experience feel "real". 'Cause back then (in the Viking ages all of a sudden) all the burly maniacal limb-chopping Vikings used to like to take a break for tea, crumpets, and a nice childs' swan ride. The kids were all horrified and had no fun at all, but it was a learning experience so it was entirely acceptable.

Speaking of family, we saw Shawn (Lanky) and his mom at the faire too, wasn't that nice.

While watching the Jousting contest some fat lady was getting way out of hand by yelling and screaming as if it were real and people were actually dying. There were 4 teams, and each had its own "valiant knight". Our knight was the worst. He lost every contest as fast as he possibly could and got instantly killed during every battle/joust. The woman really started to get out of hand and actually had the nerve to look back in our direction. I yelled "WITCH!". "What evidence do you have to support this theory, Sir Edward" said the King (Richit). I pointed to Justin and responded "she turned this young boy into a wench!". Clearly this was enough evidence and she was hanged (for real). This made everyone including the bloodthirsty knights very happy and everyone met on the field for generic rejoicing.

The scariest (and final) portion of this whole dumb story was the guy who ran the freak show. He was basically paid to walk around ALL day with a huge creepy molestors smile on his face. At one point he was walking around with a comically large "butterfly net", which I assume is the oversized net he uses to corral up little kids to molest. While walking by he caught me and Justin in the net and told us that he wouldn't let us out if we didn't flap our wings. Luckily Hillary was there to take a picture (that she hasn't sent to me yet, will update when possible). So yeah that was most definitely the scariest part of the entire Faire.

Also someone died on a PortaPotty.

The Faire is during the weekends and time is running out, it's $25 to get in and I recommend you do because it was a lot of fun. Just bring your wallets! (and maybe some pepper spray, too).